I’ve Requested A Change! Now Where Is It?
Though resistance is usually seen as the result of (unwanted) change, I have come to realize that resistance can also be the effect of a change that’s still not there.
Changes that seem to happen to us, that seem to come out of nowhere, almost always meet some form of resistance. Not many people welcome it when a sudden change forces us to alter our habits, our way of thinking, or how we live. It feels like a loss of control, and we humans like to think that we have some control over our lives.
When we wish for a change to happen, however, a form of resistance can show up as well.
Imagine that you’re trying to lose weight, but the scale keeps giving you the same (“high”) number. Or that you’ve applied for a promotion, but there’s still no answer to your request. Or you’ve put your house up for sale…and it still hasn’t been sold. These are all situations where a change has been initiated, but not yet fully manifested.
Between the moment of initiated change and the moment of succeeded change, resistance may show face. Why? Because, in our growing impatience, we start to resist the status quo. The same status quo that, up until we decided we wanted something else, had suited us just fine. However, now that the idea of a different — and hopefully better — situation has been planted in our mind (by us), the current situation is no longer tolerable. The current situation may even feel oppressive all of a sudden.
So, what if this kind of resistance has come to show face?
Here’s what you can do:
1. As always, let’s start with the awareness that it’s there. There’s been an uncomfortable feeling for a while now, you’ve tried to get rid of it through all kinds of distractions, and you’re getting tired of this fight. You realize you’re fighting yourself, your own impatience, which almost makes it worse.
2. Now think of this: isn’t it funny that you’re resisting something that had been perfectly fine up until the moment where you decided you wanted to change it? The situation hasn’t changed (yet), but you have. Wait, that means that SOME form of change has already occurred: the change in your mindset! You may compliment yourself on making the decision to change, if anything it’s a first step.
3. Whatever you resist, persists. You know this already. Acceptance is like the oil that makes the wheels of change run more smoothly. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you’re okay with the status quo; it just means that you acknowledge the status quo in its current form. Only then can you change anything. So, accept that you’re impatient. Then see if you can lighten your impatience by making a teeny tiny change (that doesn’t require any waiting). Or change your mindset about your impatience. Can it perhaps serve you in another way? (Hint: “Patience is a virtue…”)
4. Now wait. Stay aware, stay present. And have faith.
As an extra means of support, you may want to watch this video where Eckhart Tolle talks about waiting, patience, and staying present…