It is Thanksgiving Day for many, it is transformation time for me. And I am grateful. Believe me.
I know this phase, I’ve been here before. I recognize the pattern, it’s almost become predictable. Almost.
I’m also writing this down because I sometimes receive replies of people / friends that worry when they read this kind of stuff. Funny, come to think of it: it suddenly makes this transformation about them, instead of me.
So, firstly: I’m fine. I’ll live (see my previous blog post!)
Secondly, what is it about worry that makes it about the other person?
I’ve had a brief encounter with the book Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway, by Susan Jeffers. By brief encounter I mean that I never finished the book. I did however take away the one lesson I really needed to learn:
When we worry about someone, it’s not so much about whether they will be okay. It’s mostly about whether WE will be able to handle whatever THEY are going through. Will we know how to support the other person in their struggle? What if we’re not “there” for them, or not enough, then what happens to our relationship? What if we can’t protect them from pain? From getting hurt?
Here’s how Susan Jeffers puts it:
“all my life I have never heard a mother call out to her child as he or she goes off to school, “Take a lot of risks today, darling.” She is more likely to convey to her child, “Be careful, darling.” This “Be careful” carries with it a double message: “The world is really dangerous out there” … and … “you won’t be able to handle it.” What Mom is really saying, of course, is, “If something happens to you, I won’t be able to handle it.” You see, she is only passing on her lack of trust in her ability to handle what comes her way.”
Remarkable, isn’t it. You think you’re worried about the other person because you care for them – and that is definitely part of it! – but it all comes back to you. Whether YOU can handle it.
Having said that…
I’m a little afraid. I am.
I’ve set myself up for some new projects and I don’t know where that’ll lead me. Whether it’s a good idea to invest my time that way. I’m also noticing that there’s still pain from previous relationships to deal with. It causes resistance within me, because I prefer to focus on those projects instead. However, whatever I resist persists, so I do my best to embrace the pain while working on those projects. In a way that works out well, because pain and heartache can also be miraculous sources of inspiration – or at least they can be for me. It’s really something I am grateful for. Plus: I can handle it. I know I can.
Rereading my own words, it seems like transformation is part of my everyday existence. It probably is. It just hits me harder from time to time…
Anyway, I’m fine.