Surrendering To My Own Message
When I start explaining how I experience life, in conversation, I often end up being my own messenger. Meaning: I say things to someone else that apply perhaps even more to myself.
Yesterday I mentioned “going with the flow” and “surrendering”. Today the boomerang comes back to me: am I going with the flow? Am I surrendering instead of trying to control?
After I’ve asked myself these questions, I did a little research – beginning with my own writings. The topic of control has come across my struggles and writings many times already, and it’s nice to see I treat it a little differently every time. Dare I say, progress is being made!
I am currently experimenting with opening up even more, instead of shutting myself off, when I feel hurt. To me, this is completely counter-intuitive. All the more reason to call it an experiment (meaning: whatever the outcome, is a result that counts). There is no wrong or right here, I am simply recognizing a pattern and consciously choosing for a different kind of reaction. More in the direction of going with the flow…whether that flow hurts or not.
In a previous blog post, I’ve referred to an article, by Dr. Amy Johnson, and I love to rediscover her definition of surrender:
“Surrender = Complete acceptance of what is + Faith that all is well, even without my input.”
In a different article, Elayne Youssef goes on to explain:
“When we surrender to what the present moment offers, we don’t relinquish it or pull ourselves out of it. We get more involved with awareness and gentleness. We experience it with the gentle reminder in the back of our heads that whatever we hold on to will escape us.”
So far, what works best for me, is the awareness that every situation is merely that: a situation.
This awareness lifts me out of my frustrating thoughts and feelings. Because it is me who adds those thoughts and feelings to a situation, or to a person even. It is me who decides whether something hurts or not. And…tadaaa…it is me who decides to call something a miracle (or not). Does that sound contradictory to what I have been saying and writing about miracles so far? Think about it. When you agree that a situation is what it is, then it follows that you have the freedom to give it any kind of thought or feeling. Of course, a lot of old patterns will play their part here, so the freedom lies in recognizing a pattern and choosing (experimenting with) a different reaction. That means you can choose to call a “bad” situation a miracle too! I’m not saying you should, I am saying you could.
Alternatively, this is how Sashi Gollub puts it:
“Because the heart is a muscle that doesn’t discriminate between good and bad, the more we practice opening to the challenging and painful moments in life, the more deeply and intimately we can experience the pleasurable ones. And perhaps, with enough practice, we can stop distinguishing so acutely between “good” and “bad,” and relate to the myriad forms and shapes and textures that life presents us with as wondrous.
Even if they hurt.”
Writing this blog post feels like going with the flow to me. It feels like surrendering to what’s on top of my mind right now, and giving it a voice. That’s my choice.