I’m Not There Yet, I’m Here
Last week, I thought it would just be that week being weird, feeling messed up. It wasn’t. It’s this week too. I don’t know about next week, I don’t own a crystal ball.
Just to be clear, I’m not trying to frustrate you with being mysterious. What I’m writing down now is me doing my very best to describe what’s going on. Since I’ve given authenticity more room in my life, and in my writing, I can’t write a ladieda blog post.
So what I can write down are the topics I am wrestling with at the moment: Self-love and being in a relationship.
I’m actually grateful for the process that I have entered myself into (yes, my own choices led me to this process) since it pulled up once more the mirror of who I am, what I need, and what my calling is. And as much as I’d like to elaborate on that, it feels fake to do so. I’m not there yet, I’m here. Here being in the middle of it, unable to find words.
Of course, I am researching my ass of to find answers, and coming across Kyle Cease’s work was a great start. It lead me to another fan of his work, Nikkie Gray, who has poured her (similar) process into a beautiful article. Borrowing her words, this is how I would describe my “here”:
“My perception of authenticity is being true to ourselves. Keeping it real in every sense of what realness is. I’ve asked myself many times, what am I being authentic to? The simplest answer I can give is, to my soul. Which I guess really isn’t that simple. But to put in plainly, it means to be in line with the true essence of what makes me amazing, the qualities that showcase greatness. I don’t mean perfection; for as long as I am human, I am perfectly imperfect. I mean being true to ourselves by saying how we feel in the moment and staying true to our word (to the best of our ability, because life happens). It means not lying, manipulating, fuelling our addictions, or doing things we don’t want to do and complaining about it later obsessively… and on and on. So many people are afraid to be authentic out of fear of what people will think of them. Well, I’m here to tell you that it honestly doesn’t matter what people think of you and your fear of this is connected to how you feel about yourself. To let go of that fear is to empower yourself with the amazingness of all that is you. One way to do that is to self-connect and fall in love with who you are. It’s an evolutionary process.”
Knowing this, and resonating with it, aren’t the same as putting it into practice. It is my intention to do so though. And, from where I am, I find that intention a great start!
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